S3E6 - Opening Women Up

In this transformative episode, Jess (The Playful Domme), Lisa (The Poly Wife), and Ella (The Virgin) explore the concept of “opening women up” to connect with their true desires, self-worth, and sensuality. Jess shares her experiences working with clients who struggle with vulnerability, self-expression, and embracing their femininity. Through techniques like guided visualization, mindful touch, and affirmation, Jess helps clients let go of societal shame and reclaim their desires. The hosts discuss the power of creating safe, judgment-free environments, where women can explore intimacy and deepen their self-awareness without fear or guilt.

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🔥SHOW NOTES🔥

[00:00:00] - Introduction to the episode and disclaimer for mature audiences.

[00:02:00] - Jess sets the stage for a discussion on how women can open up and embrace their sensuality without shame.

[00:03:00] - Ella shares her journey from being more reserved to becoming more open with her partner, partly through inspiration from the podcast.

[00:04:00] - Lisa discusses her own experience with self-empowerment, including how she became comfortable with showing her body and receiving positive feedback from men.

[00:06:00] - Jess shares insights on how men and women can build trust and intimacy through communication, emphasizing the importance of slow, gentle touch and safe spaces.

[00:08:00] - Ella reflects on how her partner has supported her journey, and how she’s learned to communicate her desires more clearly.

[00:10:00] - Lisa explains how vulnerability and openness can lead to deep sexual connection, and how she’s learned to ask for what she needs.

[00:12:00] - The conversation shifts to discussing aftercare and the importance of checking in with your partner after intimate moments to ensure emotional safety.

[00:14:00] - Jess talks about the benefits of allowing yourself to be open, particularly for women who are hesitant about exploring their bodies and desires.

[00:16:00] - The trio discusses the ripple effect of sexual empowerment and how it leads to greater confidence in other areas of life.

[00:18:00] - Closing thoughts on the importance of creating safe spaces for women to express themselves, prioritize their own pleasure, and step into their power.

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🔥RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED🔥

• The Playful Podcast Website: www.theplayfulpodcast.com – For after-hours content, workshops, and community access.

• The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin: A tool for understanding consent, boundaries, and mutual pleasure.

• OnlyFans: Lisa shares how she uses her OnlyFans page to explore and celebrate her exhibitionist

Transcript

Jess the Playful Domme: 0:12

Welcome to the playful Dom, the Poly Wife and the Virgin Podcast, where we share our most intimate stories, experiences, and details of our love lives, our intimacy lives, our play lives, and giving you the opportunity to gaze in and get a glimpse of what could be possible in your life as well. As we share our stories, our adventures, we weave in tips. tricks and techniques to help build your confidence, boost your courage and give you the opportunity to ask for what you want in your life. Welcome to the podcast. Oh, and just a couple of quick thoughts before we get started. One, we are just everyday people. We are not professionals, licensed therapists, anything like that. This is for edutainment purposes only. This is not medical advice or legal advice, financial advice, none of the like that. Listen at your own discretion. And this is for mature audiences. We're going into deep subjects and sharing deeply about intimacy and all the things about that. So just notice who you're around and let's go. hello, listeners, and welcome to the latest episode of the Playful Dawn, the Playwife, and the Virgin podcast, where we are just three everyday girlfriends on this amazing journey of life, love, relationships, and getting to the juicy parts that no one else wants to really talk about. So just discussing how, you know, the only them with their legs wide open and looked at, for most of us, is the gynecologist. Uh, we don't share, we don't, we feel really shut down, kind of nervous, ashamed, what are you guys going to think or say, or whoever our lover is. So anyways, Ella was just sharing how through the work, through listening to the podcast, through the conversations, through the normalization of everything. Well, you know, trying to become a different woman in bed with her, with her lover.

Ella the Virgin: 2:19

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. And we were just talking about it. We decided we would record. Lisa had a great question for me is, you know, how open was I, you know, before You know, like a year or so ago, and I would say that I, I mean, I'm not ultra conservative, but I would say I was conservative. If I look back, I think your lover has a lot to do with it. And, um, mine happens to love it really juicy. And, and I mean, he loves to watch and he loves to be, uh, you know, the lights on and if the sun is shining on a, you know, your naked body, he absolutely loves that. So from a woman's perspective, that's super exciting. Now, I would think that most men would love that. So I think it's a lot of the stuff that we we carry as women is in our head. I think the other thing and it's it's again this is not a plug for for Jess, but the truth of the matter is after listening to this podcast and talking to these great women for years. I finally decided to go and have a womb massage. And the first time, and I've shared this before but Again, for a woman to open up to a woman with absolutely zero intentions at all. I mean, she, again, she didn't have the three prong approach, you know, no tongue, no dick and no fingers and obviously in, in me and the kindness and the gentleness and to be open and to have the non judgment. Cause I think women can be the harshest critic that's in my head. I would assume that. Um, so that was a part of my, you know, my, I think my healing and my opening as well, but I've seen her three times since, and it just continues to get more and more, um, beautiful, um, you know, again, as far as me being with my, my partner and being open and, you know, she's taught us all how to be slow and kind and gentle. So, um, it's been really, it's been a great, fantastic, um, um, journey. So

Lisa the Poly Wife: 4:14

yeah, the original question is how willing have you been before Jessica to be have your legs spread open with the lights on and have your partner observe you or touch you or explore. And my experience is. maybe in a play, maybe in a role play way where I'm tied up, but my husband wasn't into that. So really not at all. And then once I started dating, I realized I'm an exhibitionist. So being, uh, giving myself permission to do that. But it was because I was getting so much positive feedback from the men that I was with, it was like, Hey, show me a picture of your pussy. I'm like, Oh, I don't do that. I don't show pink. That's not me. That's not. And then, um, I found a lover that I really trusted. And I did, I masturbated for him on camera. And It was so hot for both of us and that sort of opened me up and I was willing, I was willing to do it and now it's so common for me that it was shocking to me when I asked the question of somebody else.

Ella the Virgin: 5:31

Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 5:32

And they were like, Oh no, I've never done that. And I'm like, but, but. Really? You haven't? And, um, I was actually surprised. I thought that I was the latecomer, but I guess I'm more of the pioneer, right?

Ella the Virgin: 5:46

Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 5:47

It doesn't bother me at all.

Ella the Virgin: 5:48

Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 5:49

So I have my, um, my only fans style page where that's what I'm doing because I am an exhibitionist and I do enjoy it. And I have my subscribers who also enjoy it, but I didn't, I don't know And Jess asked me yesterday, how, how did I get unstuck? How did that happen? And I can say that it was definitely because of the interest somebody else had in seeing it and their positive response.

Ella the Virgin: 6:24

Yeah. And I think I could, I think I can say the same thing when you, when it goes back to it, it's about, you know, your lover or your partner and giving you a safe space. Trusting safe space to be open,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 6:39

but I'm not sure how many women who trust their partners because they've been married for any amount of time doesn't actually even matter how long, maybe even a shorter time because there's more distrust can happen over a longer time because that's

6:55

right.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 6:55

There's reason to grow apart, right? But let's just say that you completely trust your partner. I still think that there are women who would not be interested in letting their partners just observe and look at them. And it makes me think, how does that relate in the way our personalities are? That men's genitals are exterior and always open in view. And women's are interior and not, and same equipment. Thank you. But interior and exterior. And I feel like there's something about how we approach life and each other. Exactly. That is reflected in that difference as well. Men may be more inclined to ask for what they want and women hold it in internally. I don't know. I just, I'm, I'm seeing a metaphor here that I'm unpacking in the moment.

Ella the Virgin: 8:03

But I think as a general rule, I, you know, it, um, you know, there's different kinds of levers. Jess and I spoke about this the other day. There's different, you know, three different types, but I think ultimately. I don't know if this is right as a generalization but not most some men would be definitely, I'm gonna say most most men would be super turned on, you know, again by the openness of a woman, I would assume, I would, I would assume right I mean they're all looking for that at some level. Um, so is it in, is it in the women's head? Is it, you know, again, the safe space? Are we worried that they're gonna judge? But I, I

Lisa the Poly Wife: 8:43

don't know, but I think it's fascinating. I think I'd be interested to, to dig deeper in this, in a, in a online conversation. And Jess had asked me yesterday about this and like, how do you get women unstuck? So I jumped live on my, only because I do have my OnlyFans now live and up and running. Yeah,

9:02

yeah. I started

Lisa the Poly Wife: 9:03

that two weeks ago. And, um, so I jumped on live and I said, let's talk about sex. And we did end up talking about it. There was a young man on last night happened to, it ended up being a one on one call cause I don't have a lot of followers yet. And I don't know how the, how it works very well, but he and I started talking and I said, first of all, me being a bunny, Jess had pointed out the fact that I'm the, I'm the Yoni massage masterclass. Yeah. Right. And I literally have no problem. Whip off my dress, spread my lie down, spread my legs. And the guys are like,

9:43

almost

Lisa the Poly Wife: 9:46

every single one of them has been.

Ella the Virgin: 9:48

Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 9:49

They have been put more at ease because I'm so willing to not be, I'm not shy. I'm not trying to hide anything. I'm like, okay, here you go. This is what it looks like. What do you think? Right.

10:00

Yeah. And I

Lisa the Poly Wife: 10:01

don't care about their opinions.

10:03

They're

Lisa the Poly Wife: 10:03

all, but I don't, they don't have the, they haven't had the experience of women doing that for them either. So I got online last night and this boy was boy, I'm sorry. That's it. That's it. That's a little rude. This man was 26, and I was explaining to him that I had just come from this weekend and we had a great time and I was, and that we were discussing what, why women, what would make women open up, and I was saying that part of it is. One of the, I'm already lying on the bed, so, you know, I'm sort of easy that way, but Jess approaches every single step with consent. Is it all right if I put my hands on your yoni? Is it all right if I put my hands on your outer lips? Is it okay if I just touch the inside of your vagina? And I conveyed to him that creating the safe space for a woman to say yes to any touch of her body is going to make her be willing to be more vulnerable. Wouldn't you say that was true? Yeah. Yeah,

Ella the Virgin: 11:15

absolutely. And again, I was reflecting back, I think for me as well, I think it's partners because we, you know, if you look back like again, my former husband and you know, one or two others, they felt conservative to me. So I felt like if I really let my, my true energy out. That maybe I would scare them. Maybe I'd be too much. I mean, I think that that's always been kind of in the back of my head. Maybe I'm just, I'm too much. Right. So unless you have someone, you know, like again, my current partner, when the first, the first time we, you know, we had sex is like, you know, I mean, are you, are you, can you handle this? Right. Are you ready? Right. And he's like, you know, bring it. And he has never once faltered with that. It's been really, really refreshing as well. I mean, again, and I've been. wide open and loud and strong and, you know, all the, all the wonderful juicy things. And so he's always been there. So I don't know. It's I think that's helped. It's got to help. And I think the before and after care, after care, I think has been really important. Um, Justin, I was speaking about that as well. And so again, if you, if you have, you know, some sensual loving with somebody and then they just get up and shower or leave or whatever, it's like, you know, in our head, it's like, do I stink? Do you not like it? So, yeah. Anyway, I think that's very important.

Jess the Playful Domme: 12:37

Yeah, I'm, uh, I started doing a playing with intimacy challenge series on Facebook yesterday. And so each day I'm just going to share a tip, something to help people with their intimacy. And, um, and I'm looking forward to it. But just listening to you both is reminding me the importance of warming a woman up, making sure she feels safe. Of creating a nice space where things are clear and clean and she doesn't have 50 things on her to do list rolling through her head that she's able to be present for the man to go really, really slow so she's not kicked up into her head. And to being connected in the experience, you know, like, that, you know, there's the, the common, the connection is, is for her, you know, the pleasure is for her, the experience is for her, and it, I mean, he's obviously getting something out of it. But I can't tell you, like, since I'm on the other side of it and watching the men as they're learning and just the sense of, like, accomplishment and, and confidence and, um, you know, there's, uh, when Lisa and I were together in San Diego, we, we did a master class with a 71 year old man, and he's, he's the oldest we've worked with, And we had to configure things a certain way to make it easier for him, and there's things that we learned along the way, but he just kept, like, he could feel the waves of her orgasm going into his body over and over again, and he he was just so blown away by the experience. He had never seen a woman squirt before. He never been in that experience. So to see Lisa, she was just squirting like crazy all over the place. And, and it like, there was a point where it like kind of projectile out and like hit the armchair that he was sitting in. And it just, you know, we're just like laughing, but, but what was also so cool, I find women's vaginas, pussies. I find them absolutely fascinating, like so fascinating because when men take the time to warm her up, you will see the pussy change right in front of you. Like it goes from just kind of like being there and, you know, maybe darker, just depending on the color of the lips. It's, you know, it can just be a little, I don't know, like faded, I guess maybe is the best way to say it. But then like, as She's being worked and her body's been warmed up and, and, you know, just the amount of blood flow coming in and then, and, and then the, or the arousal, I swear to God, it's like, and I've seen it in both of you actually, that it's like the, the pussy, like she like opens, she opens up and she's like coming out towards you, like, it's just like pushing herself out towards the entrance, like, come, like, I, I want you and it's absolutely the Fascinating and riveting to see it and I'm not into women, but the, the part of the awakening of the woman and seeing her body just, just come forward. And it was, I mean, he, he was so blown away. He got, he started getting emotional, you know, he's just like, I've never, I've never experienced this in my life. And he was so grateful. I mean, he was every moment. He was just so appreciative and so grateful. And I was like, wow. Can you imagine if you learned this 30 years ago? Yeah. How sad, huh?

Lisa the Poly Wife: 16:25

The thing that was the two, two points I want to make one, I have no emotional attachment to this man. Yeah. Not physically attracted to him. And yet he is able to open me up and have my vulva and vagina just ready for his. Attention. Yeah. So, and he did it just with his hands, right? So I have become willing to be open in that way. So, a person doing it cold on a woman who's never had it had an experience before and they don't know what they're doing, you know, your mileage may vary. I have, I am practiced and very comfortable allowing strangers to touch me. And I would say, I would say that with him, because really just did not just did not a lot of hands on herself. Ah, okay, did him. And I think this was also probably the first time that Jess observed and gave verbal information more than spending a lot of time on me, because he did have a sense and he was open to the feedback. And I was guiding him as well. And he, he was able to do it. So they get this, they know they're dealing with a strange pussy, right? And yet they still get a response and they get someone who's willing to orgasm in front of them openly again and again and again. So I feel like it can give them confidence. And we also want to be able to address the women that they may go home to and practice and do this with willing to open their legs and have them hang out there that long. He was down there for an hour. 40 minutes for sure, right Jess? It had to have been that long.

Jess the Playful Domme: 18:52

Yeah, it was, it was definitely a good while for sure. And it was, he, he really took the lead actually. Like it was interesting to, and he felt quite confident. And, you know, normally, yeah, I'm very much more the tutor. Um, but this time I felt more like just kind of guiding and helping finesse. Um, but, uh, yeah, it was a really, I mean, he was so floored and so grateful and, um, if, yeah, and it, you know, for Lisa really hit her like, like a deeper level of, well, you can share Lisa about how it feels for you now.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 19:36

You may be saying something, I don't know what you might be referring to.

Jess the Playful Domme: 19:40

Like you were saying, it's like a mission for you.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 19:43

Oh, oh, absolutely. Like, being able to bring this gift Awaken this gift in men. Yeah, because if the women don't know they Need it. Yeah if women don't know that this is Possible. They're not going to know it was men have never been taught how to do it so they can't introduce it. Exactly We do have we universally, not you and me, but we have an obligation to have conversations with women about being willing to open our legs and just let our men look at us and learn from us. And that's what I was telling this guy last night. I said, you know, if you, he says, Oh, he's, I said, do you have any questions? What questions do you have? Since it's just the two of us, you can ask me anything. He says, well, how do I touch a woman's woman's breast? Because sometimes I feel like I'm too aggressive. So what my answer was, what ask her,

Ella the Virgin: 20:58

ask her.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 20:59

Ask her what she likes, ask her for permission to touch her breasts because I promise you, nobody has ever asked her before. Exactly. Yeah. And then ask her, how does she like them touched? How does she like them held? Does she, because nobody has ever asked her and he's 26 years old. And I, you know, I was talking to another friend on Saturday, I was taking a walk in the morning and she said, young people need to be taught how to have sex. And her mother in law was a sex. Therapist and, uh, sex therapist in the fifties and sixties or sixties, seventies and eighties, maybe. And, um, but she's the Dr. Ruth, right? We don't, we are not having, we have been even more repressed. We have come full. People are more conservative and talking less about sex in so many ways, even though it's everywhere. We aren't, this is why this podcast was so important. Look what you have learned. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Because we weren't as sexually free as we are now. We're still not talking about it at this intimate level. And so yeah, justice, right. I've, I've realized that it's my mission, right. I feel it's so important. that we'd be willing to talk about it and to empower women to ask for what they want and teach the men how to give it to us.

22:23

Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 22:23

Well, we have to know what we want first and we can't know unless we have these experiences. So every woman should find somebody from whom they can get a Yoni massage and have the experience of receiving without the Of reciprocation. Exactly.

Ella the Virgin: 22:42

Yep, exactly. I think, yeah, I think that's a big thing too. I think also to have a lover, um, you know, we've all been with the lovers that they're just really just, I mean, they just want to get laid, you know, so there's, there's really, it's all about them and it's, you know, we, we, we kind of, You know, they're kind of the two pump Chuck type situation really quick and done and it's like, I think that's the difference in this lover that I currently, you know that I'm seeing is that it's never about him. It's about me and it was the first time and he's in no hurry. Absolutely no hurry. So, soft and kind and gentle and again in no hurry, because he'll ultimately get excited and aroused, as I do. And like Jess said, it's just a natural, you know, evolution that happens once you get our bodies warmed up. We need it and want it now, so. Mm

Jess the Playful Domme: 23:36

hmm. Yeah, Ellie can't get enough of it. Oh,

Ella the Virgin: 23:38

man. Too much. I'm like, wow. It's a good thing we don't live together and give them a chance to rest. But yeah, it's, I mean, what the, it's just a beautiful thing. It is. Beautiful. Beautiful.

Jess the Playful Domme: 23:51

And for, for you both to be post menopause and saying this, I think is like an eye opener for both sexes, you know, honestly, because there are so many men who I have his clients who come to me and their wives have cut them off Sexually like closed her business not available and they're they're hurting they're like, I love my wife She's really good. Like she's a good woman. She's a good mother. She's you know, I wouldn't I don't want to be with anybody else I don't want to be with anybody else and I come to you because it's my only opportunity to have some kind of physical connect like Just receiving massage just receiving the touch just receiving the care Um, and they, it's like they know that their wives love them, but the wives are just shut off. Their desire is gone. They don't want it. They're not, they're not interested. And I know it's a very multilayered thing. It's not a simple, Oh, well, it's just this or it's just that I, I do believe that it is. Um, I do believe that it's, it's, you know, decades long, it's a, an accumulation of things Um, and if we If we as women so this is this is a kind of a controversial thing to say so i'm gonna do my best to tread lightly um we Have known that we can use our bodies to get what we want. And uh, we want the we want the man we want the House, we want the car, you know, whatever the kids whatever it is We we have used our bodies to get what we want attention validation love, whatever it is And I believe that there's a point where the resentment that many women feel towards the man who has sexual needs that the woman at some point was willing to fulfill to get what she wanted, the resentment and the shutdown that she has isn't towards him because he hasn't, I mean, I'm sure men have changed, whatever, we all change, right? But I all, I'm curious if some of that resentment is actually at themselves. And they can't what we have done to our bodies by not expressing what we want or what we don't want and have allowed ourselves so many times over years to be a play toy because if he gets what he wants, then that means I get what I want. And so there's this. Coming to terms with what we've done with our own bodies to get our needs met and how we have Definitely many of us as women have withheld sex. Yeah as a manipulation

26:49

To

Jess the Playful Domme: 26:49

either get what we want or to punish the guy so the If we understand that men their need for sex is the same as their need to eat and And drink water and sleep. Like, that's how deep the need is. And for women, we are able to get so disconnected from our desire that we're like, you know, I can go without having sex for years. Like, to men, that's like, that is like being in the desert surrounded by water and you can't drink it. Yes. I'm in an oasis. I, I, I'm in the desert. Somehow I see water all around me, but I can't actually drink it. And women are like, eh, I can do without it. But I, I think that there's, of course, there's times where the man stops showing up and maybe he doesn't court her the way that he used to and like all that stuff and that stuff that we can all work with. Right. So we all have a piece in this, but to like, have it be like, well, he just wants sex as well. Yeah, and you said yes to him enough times to get married and be with him. And now you're saying no for all of the reasons. So let's start unpacking that because underneath there, there is desire. And underneath that, if you're willing to, because I also think, I know I'm saying a lot right now, I also think there are women who, I've done this, I get off, I get off on saying, on withholding sex from the guy. Really? I get off in myself on not allowing myself to feel desire or pleasure. There's a get off in it. It's called, it's a kink. So unconsciously, I'm not saying I'm consciously choosing it, but it's like, You know, I, I do, I think that there's, there's a lot of power dynamics, a lot of things going on and how we used to operate when we were younger and you know, and women, we, we know that our, our bodies are something and, and our partners so much want the physical connection and the craving and the desire and they want that and sometimes it's gotten skewed. Maybe they're not able to approach it the way that would be really helpful, and we can teach them how to do that because they want to win. They don't want to be with other women. They want to be with the woman that they chose,

29:09

right?

Jess the Playful Domme: 29:10

But if a woman shuts him off and blocks him, cock blocks him enough times over years and years, both of them are eventually going to go and get their needs met outside of the dynamic that they have, and it's either emotional intimacy. Usually emotional intimacy or physical intimacy, you know, whatever it is, eventually it's going to happen. So how can we put a stop gap in there and be like, hold up. All right. You know, and it's almost, to me, it's like exchanging love notes, like exchanging notes between the two of them because they can't hear it from each other, you know, but we can, we can deliver that message. We can say those things. We can be the wake up. We can be the one that's like says the uncomfortable truths. They're not able to verbalize or even be aware of, um, you know, so, well, yeah,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 30:03

I, yes, and one of the things that's coming down coming to me in this moment is women. So men feel connection through sex, right? Women feel connection through emotion. But also I would venture to say that women also don't have the desire for sex that men have because they haven't had the results that men have. And sure. I mean, right. Yeah. And I'm going to, this is even, I'm going to jump on that controversial horse just and say that we have given men the wrong information by faking orgasms. And not making them work. And I say this lightly, not making them work for our orgasms, but giving them to it is giving it to them easily so that they don't have to work that hard. And it does.

Ella the Virgin: 31:07

And

Lisa the Poly Wife: 31:09

so I think just actually, and I were talking about this last night and if it wasn't just, it was my girlfriend. I, uh, my masturbation practice three to five minutes. If that take my magic wand, I'm done, right? It's easy peasy. And I spent because I was making a masturbation video for my lovers. I decided to take my time and to kind of give them an instructional video of how to massage my pussy so that they could see it go from cold to open, right? And blossomed. And, um, it took me 25 minutes to get there and to orgasm. And that is the longest I have ever spent orgasming because it's the longest I ever spent on myself. I don't, I, I remember being fascinated by Samantha on sex in the city that she had spent the entire afternoon pleasuring herself. I was like, what the, what do you do for that long? It's like, I'm ready two minutes. My magic wand can get me there really quickly. Now trying different vibrators, it takes a little bit longer figuring out how they work, all of that. But as young women, we feel like once a guy knows us. They'll want communication and share their emotions and stuff. So it seems easy to give them sex, give them the misconfidence that they've given us pleasure during sex. And if we keep faking those orgasms, they're going to feel like they're doing a great job all the time. When in fact. We're shorting ourselves, we're shorting them. And then once I experienced the massage from Jess, now it's kind of like, yeah, all guys have to do that with me. Yeah. I'm the same way. Longer going to allow the end, uh, the entry of my temple by a man within the first five minutes, just because exactly what easily that if I'm, if I'm turned on, I'm wet, but I'm not ready. That's right. Ah, I'm

Ella the Virgin: 33:21

the same way. So I, and I kind of agree. And so for me, I think another turning point is, um, I again goes back to the cock massage and, and learning how to massage a man, because Yeah, I think for me it gave me, um, honestly it gave me a little bit of power and I was able to say, I, I, again, I would, didn't look at a guy's cock. I, I don't think I ever spend any time, I don't even know what I'm thinking. And when, when Jess said, you know, look at it like a. Like a temple or a wand and it blossoms. And if you truly take the time to watch it. And again, the power of, you know, making their head get huge or, or the engorgement and you know, the edging, it is one of the most powerful, exciting things to do. So it's just one more piece. And again, for me, I think that's helped a ton because it's not like, I don't know, it's just something different.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 34:11

It's,

Ella the Virgin: 34:11

it's,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 34:12

it's also the exact same equipment. External and internal. Yeah. So, a flaccid penis. Mm hmm. Old pussy. Yeah, for sure. And stroking it and enticing it. Yeah. Engorges and becomes ready for sex. The problem is we think that that's the only thing that needs to be ready for sex. And as long as we're slippery, if we're not slippery, we're using lube. So suddenly, okay, well the woman, she just can't get caught. She just can't get wet. Well, I'll tell you something. If you do the work, I can get wet. I'm six years old in menopause and I have no problem getting wet.

34:53

I've

Lisa the Poly Wife: 34:53

been fed a line. By even medicine that, you know, okay, after menopause, you're going to be dry. And that's just how it is. Well, I might be dry if somebody doesn't take the time to get me juicy.

Ella the Virgin: 35:09

Yeah, that's right. And I think the other thing, regardless of where you're at in, in menopause, again, we've been fed a line. So during that time, I think the most beautiful thing about being post menopausal is that, you know, we, we hang up pregnant. Yeah, that too. But is it that lube comes out? Cause as a young woman, I never used lube, but again, until I learned how to massage a cock. We use lube. We use a lot of lube. We are like lube connoisseurs because it gets sticky. There's different things that happen, right? So, and, and again, he can last. It's fantastic. So from there, then, you know, again, he's, he's older, so the guy can only come a few times a day. But at a certain point, again, with lube, then he can work on me or whatever in, in, in, in amongst the loving of the day. And again, working with Jess, She taught me because I didn't know this and taught him that I can orgasm on the outside of my pussy.

36:06

Who

Ella the Virgin: 36:07

would have known that?

36:08

Who

Ella the Virgin: 36:09

would have ever known that? And so again, It was probably one of the single best gifts so that I could go to him and say, okay, let's try something different. You know, and then he masters that. It's just a beautiful experience. I don't know why I wish I would have known this much earlier. And I wish women would try and just try it. It's the most magical experience.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 36:29

Well, when Jess and not when Jess was here with her fiance, I don't know what we're, what are we calling him? I've been wondering

Jess the Playful Domme: 36:40

that we'll just, yeah. James

Lisa the Poly Wife: 36:41

is the fiance. Um, when she was here with the fiance, we, we did a masterclass with him and we recorded it and just for giggles, I sent it to Bob, my current lover, um, the one I'm most active with. And he. Uh, I sent it to him. I was like, okay, you want a picture of my pussy? Here's a picture of my pussy. And it's, and I said, so did you get off? And he goes, no, I've been studying it. This is the most informative thing. I I, I, I've watched it over and over again. I've spent hours watching it. The things that you're saying or things I've never heard before. So this is just part of the, oh my god, it's the most beautiful thing. But he literally studied it. And the last time I saw him was in July. And then two weeks ago, three weeks ago, I drove up to Indy and I saw him and. I could tell that he had studied it because his approach to my pussy was completely different and taking his time. And as it happens, we did a swap that night with another couple and I got to listen to her say, Oh my gosh. Oh, what are you doing? Oh my goodness. Oh my God. Oh, wow. Oh, I've been, I was a lesbian for seven years and I didn't even know how to do that. When did you? Wow. And he said tonight. And she was shocked and, and I knew what he was saying, and it's because he understands attunement. And so he connects with the person that he's with. And while he has. techniques that he uses, he may use them slightly differently. And he thanked me afterwards. He says, Oh my gosh, I haven't been with two women in the same night and so long. And it was really fascinating to see how each of you responded differently to the same techniques and how I needed to adjust them because I'm a super Uber light touch. And she was a much stronger touch, right? So she needed heavy rubbing and I needed just light feather touch. And both of us came like crazy. So, it, learning the techniques is good, but then also tuning in to what it is that your partner is responding to is also really important. And I feel like he, he knew what my responses were going to be because he was learning on my pussy, right? He was watching a video of my pussy being, but he was able to adapt to another woman and blow her mind. And to a point where she, as experienced as she is, she'd never had that kind of an experience before. And it was really fantastic for, it was fun for all of us, right? That was just a, that was a good, a good time, but here's a guy who is taking what he learned and able to apply it differently based on who he's talking to or, or having intimate.

Jess the Playful Domme: 39:47

It's just good to have fundamentals. Right. And so the both, both of you, it's just teaching you the fundamentals on how to touch men, fundamentals for them, how to touch a woman or to touch you. And then you guys go off running, you know, I didn't, Ella, Ella took the moves that I taught her, but she applied them and then made her own version to the point that, Her partner doesn't even want to touch himself. He doesn't even want, he won't touch himself because of how good she makes him feel. Like, what a huge compliment. Like, what a huge, huge compliment to go from like, you know, I, it, there's just something what has been so stripped away from these sex acts is the actual intimacy. is the actual opportunity to really connect and feel our partners and connect in a way that we haven't been able to before. And that I was able to do them both with both of you. And, you know, you, you know, we're girlfriends and you know, I love you, but I'm not sexually attracted or interested in you. So it takes, I think it, it's, I really believe if people are open minded enough and curious to try, and, and, I know that there's really great practitioners out there, I'm just very, very grateful for the opportunity to, I'm always blown away when people trust me with their body, truly, like it's just, it's beautiful. I really believe it could set so many couples free, you know, like with new tools and new approaches and a new mindset and to actually really look and not just do it in the dark and kind of fumble around and You know, it just, it's like, let's have fun with it. It's like, we said yes to each other, you know, like, I just, it seems like it makes, creates an even deeper connection with people that transcends the sex part. Just yeah. And to a deeper level of intimacy. That's what I see. Lisa, you're on mute.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 41:56

I guess we just start with the people who are willing to try

Jess the Playful Domme: 41:59

it. We don't

Lisa the Poly Wife: 42:00

have to convince what we don't have to do is convince women to spread their legs.

42:05

Yeah,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 42:06

we'll just work with the women who are willing to spread their legs so that they can experience this because once they experience this. And experience their partners being able to learn it and transmute that sexual energy into, I don't know, there's, there's a way in which it's a loving energy more than the sexual energy

42:29

for sure,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 42:29

because that curiosity and that willingness to explore. And to see what works for your partner creates a higher level of intimacy than just the sex act itself.

Ella the Virgin: 42:44

Yeah. Yeah. You become more vulnerable in a good

Lisa the Poly Wife: 42:46

way. I think that we just, uh, approach it with the women who are willing to do it because once women hear about multiple orgasms and the freedom of sexual expression with, without reciprocity, without it being transactional. Exactly. Yep. That that is something that exists and that men are really excited about that prospect. For sure, it feels like everything,

Ella the Virgin: 43:23

but and I say, I say this because I'm, I'm like, I think like the, you know, I would assume like most women, you know, it took me how long I mean I know you guys personally and I trust you and love you guys to death and it still took me to two and a half years to hear it over and over again and it became normal and natural, you know, normal in my, in my conversation. And then again to. To entrust ingest to work with my, my partner and I, and it was again, an amazing experience. It was, there was, it was very, um, I'm going to use the word clinical. And we went from there and just exploded our already a good love life, but it exploded from there. And again, just,

Jess the Playful Domme: 44:08

I was going to say, yeah, I was, I was going to say there's a ripple effect that has happened in you both. Yes. By you doing the practices that you've had in that, you've used your voices more. Yes. And it like starts in the bedroom, but you know what? It's went outside the bedroom and then suddenly things you need, things you need to clean up in your life, connections, relationships, things that you either stayed quiet about or tried to tolerate or whatever. So it's. It really awakens so much more, but, and like to have the kind of support we've been able to provide each other and you know, all that stuff that it's okay. It's like, you know, it's going to be messy as you start finding your voice because you're finally speaking, you're finally saying like what you want and what you need and what you're standing for and what you won't tolerate what your boundaries are and it becomes a liberation. And then for your partners, it gives them the opportunity to be like, okay, do I want to play or no. If I want to play, these are the rules, like this is what I need to do in my life to have this person in it. And rather than like, Oh, we're just going along to get along and don't want to ruffle any feathers. And it's not to say you were rude or mean, but you took a stand for what you know, you need to show up to having the kind of relationship that's possible. And it's been really transformative. So that I think that's the other thing too, is that for women to get that it's not, it's not just the womb massage. It's not just opening your, your, your body and experiencing pleasure in a way. It's not just that it's the power that comes from it

Ella the Virgin: 45:48

to exactly,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 45:52

it's the power that comes with that. But it's also what I'm hearing and wanting to say is it's about us putting ourselves first. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yep. To what you were saying earlier, Jess. In that, you know, as we break down, the problem is, is we are always, we are taught as women, as little girls, to be in service to others. We've got to help our mommies and daddies, and we then we've got to be, you know, good. We've got to do whatever our, not do whatever our husbands say, but you know, we've got to be good wives. We have to, our children come first. Well, you know what? I'm going to venture that our children should not come first. We should come first because if we're okay, then we can, then we can attend to our children. It's the, it's the thing that we taught about the, um, on planes. You put your air on first before you put on your kids air, right? You've got to be in a good, you have to be good. And I don't think that we as girls are taught to put ourselves first. Ever. We're, we're told to protect ourselves, but not to put our needs first ahead of everybody else's. And, um, maybe that's where the message starts is me first, instead of me too. It could be me first. Yeah,

Jess the Playful Domme: 47:06

for

Lisa the Poly Wife: 47:06

sure. The,

Jess the Playful Domme: 47:07

the, the other, the kind of like the final piece I want to mention as we're wrapping up the podcast is I, I am very, also very aware from that controversial horse. I, I stepped, I saddled up to. That many, many, many, many, many, many, many women and men, but, and especially women have experienced sexual abuse and trauma and they have, they had to give up their body because it was being taken. And so what do I need to do to stay safe and to survive? And so I am, I am acutely aware of that. The whole reason I even started on this journey was because A therapist had told me that I had experienced sexual abuse and trauma, she could sense it in my body, I had no idea what she was talking about, and then an old, old boyfriend noticed that I, I had checked out when we had sex one time, and I was like, I don't, what, you know, he's like, where did you go, and I'm like, I don't, what are you talking about, and he's like, well, you were gone, and I was like, oh, I, you know, I, I was like, I, I don't know, I guess, I mean, someone once told me that I experienced sexual abuse and trauma, I didn't even know the word dissociation. That wasn't even in my vocabulary. I didn't even know what that word was. His response of telling me to get over it and me knowing that it was something beyond like a conscious choice. You know, like, I mean, there, there is some consciousness in like choosing like, okay, I'm here. I'm breathing. I'm in my body I'm here but I mean all of this journey, so I'm like For the women who are listening and if they're like, well, yeah, but I was raped or yeah, but I Was, you know, sexually abused or molested and, you know, and it was an older man and he was taking what he wanted and, you know, all of these things, which are legitimately awful and should never, ever, ever have happened. And there's a point where we can. Reclaim our power by actually going and doing our healing and not having it be the thing that cuts off our pleasure, our joy, our connection, our desire, opportunity to have a really beautiful intimate relationship with somebody. I, I'm totally there and it has been a fucking journey. And Lisa, she's, she was raped multiple times, you know, like this isn't. Right. That's what I was going to say. My sexual assault

Lisa the Poly Wife: 49:42

at nine years old. What was that, Lisa? Say it again. My sexual assault or harassment started when I was nine years old, right? And continued through the time I've been married. So they, you know, it's over the course of maybe 15 years, um, that I was, pushing men away from me, you know, they were showing me their cocks, they were raping me, they were, you know, trapping me. And, um, uh, I would say that you're absolutely right. My healing came when I first started opening myself. I got married early, right? So my dating, lots of dating didn't happen until we opened up our relationship. But it wasn't until Jess and I were sitting with the workmate. I'm certain you were there. And he was saying, Oh yeah, I always put the woman's needs first. And I was like, that's bullshit. It's your needs that always come first. Right. That's, he goes, Oh no, if she doesn't come 40 times, I'm like, I, I, it would take me 40 days to come 40 times. Cause I don't even know. Multiple orgasm would look and look at me now. I'm having multiple orgasms with complete strangers laughing and, and loving it and, and bringing them joy as well. Uh, it's been incredibly healing, but I, it, I did not know that there were men that existed who in earnest wanted to put the needs of their partners first. And my husband is the same way, but because of my trauma, I only. was giving him access to my body because I was supposed to be a good wife who allowed him to have sex with me, right? Because I was an allower on the wheel of consent. So this was a great conversation girls. Holy smokes. I'm really happy. I think, um, we'll find resources. Um, certainly domestic violence resources and, um, you know, maybe a connection to certainly our resources. Um, but if you are being abused, we definitely, you definitely get to talk to somebody about it. But there is a whole world of men out there who are loving and kind and gentle. And, um, there is. Healing for our journeys and we get to enjoy sex again. And, and it's been eyeopening and very healing, I think for me and, uh, Ella as well in all of this journey.

Jess the Playful Domme: 52:10

Yeah. Awesome. Ella, any final thoughts or words?

Ella the Virgin: 52:14

No, I think it's been an absolutely amazing journey and I am super grateful every day. And Jess, I'm glad you brought up the fact that not only, um, my intimacy has, has, it's off the charts, but it's really about me having a voice. And again, I, I was one of those, cause you, we worked, you worked with me that I settled and it was good enough. And Oh my God, now I have an opinion. So in a nice way, um, but it feels really good. And I, again, it's just, um, that's, that's the number one thing I think is that I'm able to ask for what I, what I, what I want and what I need and not to settle. So thank you for that. It's been an amazing journey. Super excited.

Jess the Playful Domme: 52:54

You know, what's really cool. I'm looking forward to seeing how things unfold in this next. You know, year ahead for all of us that the more we step into our power, the more that we own our desire, the more that we get what we want first. It's not that we become selfish because we're, we're such givers. So it's like the more that we have fueled up in us and what lights us up and we're clear about it and we have the right people in our corners or energy is not being drained and we're not being like suckled by a bunch of like stray. Animals that like, just, you know, like that were that you we've created a sphere around us of supportive people who, who show up and believe in us and our have our backs and we have theirs. I'm telling you the synergy that comes from all of that and that comes from us standing in what we want. Absolutely. And like actually saying it and saying, you know what, this doesn't make the cut and having those, what seems like hard choices of who really shouldn't be in our life. I'm taking that stand, but, but the abundance and the growth and the beauty that's on the other side of all of that, by actually being surrounded by things you do want, people you do want. It's very exciting. I'm really looking forward to seeing how it goes. So um, thank you all so much for listening. We're honored to share our journeys and. Um, you know, we want each other to win. Truly, truly, we want couples to win. We want individuals to win. We want you to win. So thanks for listening. Catch you on the next episode. Bye for now. Want more? Head over to the playfulpodcast. com for all the juicy things we have to offer. From there you can join our community where you can get access to after hours, attend upcoming workshops and events, and even book a session. Bye for now.